Saturday, December 30, 2006

OMG. WILL YOU JUST GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME?! I'LL BE REPEATING FOR THE FUCKING LAST TIME: I AM NOT INTERESTED IN YOU, ASSHOLE, SO STOP ASKING IF I WANNA FUCK WITH YOU, YOU LOW-DOWN, PERVERTED CREEP!

Put in a more civilised manner:

I'm sorry, but I really don't have it bad for you and I'm not interested in your offer. I am currently in love with someone else, so please, leave me alone before I report you for sexual harrassment.

What the hell is his problem? He's asked me twice, if I wanted to have SEX with him. Go tan ku ku. I'm saving my virginity to be taken by someone whom I really have feelings for (aka Aoi-san~). I wish he's just fuck off for good. Is it so hard to understand, "I don't like you."? That's KINDERGARTEN talk man.

Gawd, he's like, uber despo or something.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

DUDE, I'M LIKE, BACK! *spazzes*

And yes, Merry Very Late Christmas and an Early New Year.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I GOT MY VIDOLL ALBUM YESTERDAY! *twirls twirls twirls* CRASH.

Uh, yes. I'm perfectly fine. And it's just 2 days late, so USU! You know what, school's almost here. And I hate school. *sudden mood change* Thank God I skipped 2 weeks of CCA because I'm positive that it would have driven me complete bonkers. Seriously, practice a week before and after Christmas? SIAO SI BO?! Unlike them, I have a life and I choose to live it well. Whut?

Daisuke from Kagerou says, "Live everyday like it's your last. Not in fear, but in happiness." As if I would wanna go for practice on the day I'm erased from the face of the earth, no way. Geez. They should cut us some slack.

Christmas overall was okay I guess, though I hardly even got a grasp of it before it turned into Boxing Day instead. I got 2 pairs of earrings, which unfortunately, I won't be able to wear and I'm apologizing to Suvie and Charis because it's unlikely they'll ever see me wear them. Maybe Suvie's yes, because it's a stud, but Charis'? OH MY SAINTED AUNT, NO. Imagine if I only have 1 large hoop earring on. THAT WILL LOOK SO VERY TACKY. And it does not compliment my stretched earlobe either...Soooo...Gomen.

You know, I think Aoi is gorgeous. Come on, he is. I saw this vid of him shaking his ass in a -very- provocative manner. Oh yesssss. Makes me wanna glomp him or something worse. Oh, remember the 'I'm the girl whose crush's boyfriend is a manslut' thing? I changed my mind. It's now: 'I'm the girl whose crush is a manslut like his boyfriend.' Yes, those 2 were made for each other. The 2 Gaze-sluts. BEAUTIFUL. What do you mean 'they can't be beautiful cos they're men'? Of course they pretty! How can you doubt with THIS piece of evidence?



They have to be the most beatiful couple in JRock no matter what anyone else says. Let's face it: Nao is on the chubby side. Saga has turned into a somewhat full-fledged male. Except these 2, who are so gorgeous it should be made illegal for males.

I'm going out of point again, ne? Oh, you know the Vidoll DVD? I couldn't stop gigglig everytime I saw Rame, with his 'little girl' look on. I bet you can't keep a straight face on too, because he was too cute. I swear, he was too cute in that video.

Mmmm. I don't think I have anything else to crap about today, and I'm making dinner for myself, so I think I'd better get started, ne?

Friday, December 22, 2006

Dear Santa,

For Christmas, could you please give me:

1. One Aoi. And please make sure it's the one from GazettE and not the other one from Ayabie.
2. One Uruha to keep Aoi company, even though I'll be using him a lot, I like a pretty pair of gorgeous guitarists.
3. One Miyavi, I like some suprises in my life once in a while.
4. One Tero. I'll share with Rame...I promise! Pretty please?
5. And because I can't say this enough, the two beautiful GazettE guitarists...
6. The Sweet Couple from alice nine. who will probably just run away after I get them, but still....
7. The Talbo Boys! Talbo-01 Fukusuke and Talbo-02 Riu!

That's all I want for Christmas!

I've been good this year, haven't I?

Saturday, December 16, 2006

I suppose after you read this your skin will be creeping across the floor to hide underneath your blanket. It's that bad, and you have been warned, ne? Oh oh oh, keep this away from people whom you might get into trouble with if they happen to skim through this, that goes for younger siblings. Imagine if they ask your mum, "Mum, what is semen? S-E-M-E-N?"

Yes, it would be THAT embarrassing.

-------------

So yes, I have been reading more fanfics again, and I was asking myself, mind you, MYSELF, What would it feel like the first time your forbidden flower is torn? Guh. Such a stupid question really. A person who goes by theory would give you the most boring details indeed, such as the hymen tearing?

That's not what I want to know actually. I want to know the physical and the mental side of it. How would a virgin feel having been stripped of her virginity? Would she suffer great emotional loss, because virginity is a thing that once stolen, never returned? Or would she embrace the fact that finally, she, in a very superficial manner, has been fxxked and therefore is a full-fledged woman?

I am thoroughly confused with the whole mess of it all. But what about guys? Since their virginity can't be proven, then do they feel anything because males are usually the dominant partner in a relationship?

Complicated much!!

And for physical part, I've read countless of somewhat explicit fictions about rough sex towards virgins, in which 'those milky white thighs were smeared with a mixture blood and semen', but does a girl bleed THAT much when her hymen tears during her first sexual intercourse? It is a custom for Muslims in the Middle East to check the bedsheets of newly wed couples after their first night together for any form of bloodstains to enforce the bride's statement that she was a virgin when she was married to her husband. So yes, bleeding occurs, but how much? To the extent where (Okay, this was a guy being raped through the means of anal sex when I first read it, but I've changed the hes to shes) 'he she could feel the warm blood trickle down his her inner thigh as he thrust deep and hard within him her'?

Aargh, This talk is going nowhere, it seems. Hmmmm.... I wonder if Aoi could demonstrate on me....

O_O YOU DID NOT JUST SEE THAT.

I think I'm bored or something, donch think? Yes, I'm bored. Bye.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

DUUUUUUUUDE!!! I'M BACK FROM CAMP! *does a silly little dance*

Actually, I came back 2 days early because I feel sick and I was too bothered, too tired and too sleepy to blog about anything, so I'm back only today.

Well, I guess camp was pretty fun, except for the SUPER LOOOOONG SESSIONS and that facking bitch who's in my room. Gah.

There's nothing much to type about cos there's too much to type and my fingers are not exactly working properly, so I don't really care. But OMG, I so HATE that...that...WOMAN.

Honestly, she was pretty okay at first, until she started getting pushy. Really. When I went home, she SMSed me that I was just faking sick so I wouldn't have to go for the adventure trail the next day. My ass. Tell that to my doctor who certifies that I've a fever and a viral infection.

WHO DIED AND MADE HER THE SUPREME SOOTHSAYER OF THE EARTH?

I don't wanna talk about the rest of the low-down biatching she did because I'd be WHINING and I hate it when I WHINE LIKE A LITTLE GIRL.

Talking about 'little girls', do you think I look, well, like an 'innocent little girl'? Someone at camp said I really don't look like the type to like piercings and metal music, neither do I like pop music. It worries me, ne?

I've been reading a lot of very smutty fanfics over the past week, and it's not doing my brain good cos it's possibly turning into mush, or at least making me think about horny things that absolutely should not be mentioned. Okay, maybe I'll just briefly explain 1, just 1 before I get carried away as usual.

Okay, on the little girl note, I think that it'll be dangerous for me to go to Japan unless I disguise myself as total meaning-business-butch, then maybe I'll be able to escape the horrors of schoolgirl fetishism there. I'm not exactly saying that I'm pretty or anything for sme guy to fxxk me, but many a times I've been called 'cute', as in 'childishly adorable but ugly'. Exactly what I mean. Those slutty porn stars who end up starring in schoolgirl fetish themed films are always, if I say so myself, not remotely pretty, let alone beautiful, but they are 'cute' in a childish sort of way when they're NOT BEING TOTAL WHORES.

The thought is still horrfying and all, and once again, oh my sainted aunt, I've been 'blessed' with yet another traumatising nightmare/dream (you decide). It's really no good for me, having my thoughts permeated with all sorts of unmentionable images. Like I said, my fear of being raped has increased tenfold over the past 6 months or so, and after this one, I think I'll never ever have sex in my entire life, cos the impression it has given me of 'sexual reproduction' is indeed, a filthy one, that sex should remain a taboo, never to be spoken of in public areas.

Okay okay, back to where we were. Somehow, when I first saw Aoi, I thought that he would like an innocent, if not innocent-looking girl, who looks not exactly child-like, more pre-pubescent age, and very submissive. Like a doll. Just like a doll.

*shudders* Now, after all that explaining, I don't feel like talking about it. I'm shuddering here, right in the rattan chair I'm sitting in. It came to the doll part, I couldn't bear to type any more.

I wonder...If Aoi really did fxxk me, would I be like a stupid little girl? Writhing under him, trying to break free from his strong hands, holding my wrists above my head, while pleading him, 'Shiroyama-san, yamete!', 'Stop it, let me go!' before screaming when he suddenly tears the forbidden flower, causing the crimson blood to flow down my inner thighs as he thrusts hard and deep in me? Will I be like that? Will I eventually succumb to him and let him do as he please to the ragdoll presented to him, in all its tainted innocence? Worse, the Stockholme Syndrome might even come into being, leaving me helpless, devoted to him, the man who 'first taught me the #101 of fxxking'?

That is the absolute worst thing that can happen to me.

Wait, it isn't. A meteorite could come hurtling down from the depths of space killing my entire family except for me, and I'll be miserable FOREVER. Yes, that's definitely worse.

Also, is it me, or have I once again, gone out of hand with all the gruesome, morbid tales? I should learn how to stop. I really should. Ah, whatever. Goodnight.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

I've completely given up. All hopes flung clean out the window.

Who was I kidding? What was I thinking?

I won't obsess about it anymore. I WILL stop imagining, even if it kills me in the process. I'm just sick of trying to find another way to make it happen.

I won't let my heart trick me into thinking that such ridiculous, impossible things can become a reality, when my mind's telling me not to be more stupid than I could ever be. It's harder to fool myself than it's ever been before.

So I'll abandon that childish dream for good, refusing to let it permeate my thoughts any longer.

I won't give a damn because I DON'T STAND A CHANCE.

Why should I care anyway? It's not any of my friggin' business, not anymore.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

OMG. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO READ SMUT WITH ALL THIS NOISE?!

Oops. that didn't come out right. Anyway, reading smut requires a GREAT DEAL OF IMAGINATION, and with the TV blaring away, my parents talking and my brother asking me God-knows-what, I CAN'T VISUALISE! Well, the music is partially my fault, but music is music, noise is noise. They're different although some consider my music to be 'noise'.

I AM SO HAPPY THAT ALL FOUR FINALISTS OF PROJECT RUNWAY MADE IT. I would postively DIE if either Mychael or Jeffrey were to BE OUT.

I've updated my LJ, finally, not to mention I've created a new account and spiffed up my new journal cos the old one was drab.*shudders*

You know, sometimes I don't know what to think anymore, regarding the Aoi business. I mean, sure, I'm madly in love with the guy, but I know that he and I will never get together no matter what anyone says. Even though I liked being teased about the matter, I will always have that nagging feeling at the back of my head that's telling me that I DON'T STAND A CHANCE, which is 100% true.

I'm whining, aren't I? I'm reading AoixUruha fanfictions now, and boy, ARE THEY HOT. Makes me wonder how I would react if Aoi were doing those really hot, naughty, dirty things to me instead of that manslut Uruha.

Actually, it's not even politically correct to call Uruha a manslut cos you can get sued. Uruha is such a man when he's not being a promotional Gaze-slut. Really, he is. He's taller than many Asian guys, with broad shoulders and well toned muscles, and a very yummy Adam's apple which probably drives their make-up artist crazy trying to conceal it when he's transforming into the earlier-said Gaze-slut. Otherwise, he's perfectly normal. Oh, and he has such a great, deep voice. Honestly, HE DOES.

I just had a vision of a guy flirting with slut!Uruha, only to receive 'Nan desuka?' as a reply, and then all of the guy's hair stands straight up on their ends, with the thought "Women DO NOT sound like that." running through his poor, traumatised mind over and over again before collapsing to the ground, foaming in the mouth. LOL.

I'M THE GIRL WHOSE CRUSH'S BOYFRIEND IS A MANSLUT.

Uh...huh. THAT, SOUNDED SO VERY WRONG INDEED. Has anyone noticed or is this post rotating around the sole subject of sex? o_O RIIIIIIGHT.

Okay okay. CHANGE OF TOPIC! My online friend is a real-life gay. He is possibly 120% gay. Well, I happened to drop-by his LJ just yesterday, and it was a LOOONG time since I've BEEN to LJ, so when I commented, he was like 'Hey, babe! How 'ya doing?' Let me tell you, if you happen to bump into this 17-year-old guy online, who goes by the name of Maki and is also known as 21stcherry_boy in the LJ dimension, do not be thrilled if he calls you babe when you're a girl, and if you're a guy, I guess you should run away, real fast.

I'm quite sure I'm feeling extraordinarily horny today. Damn those fanfics! Mmmmmrrrr. I should stop, I really should before I type something which is potentially unsafe here, in an Internet journal, of all places. Like, "Privacy? There's such a thing as privacy on the Internet? WOW!"

Yes. I should shut up because not only am I horny, I'm being utterly stupid, so tata for now.

(Post written in half an hour. Time flies when you're having fun crapping.)

Sunday, December 03, 2006

☆BEST FRIENDS☆ by ガゼット
Lyrics: Ruki
Music:ガゼット

--------------------

幼き頃夢見た　未来予想図は
今も色あせず　鮮やかに前を向いている
大きくなれるように　背伸びして見た景色
時にはくじけそうになるけれど　ぐっと涙こらえて

一つの大きな夢に向かい走り始めた
大切な仲間がいるから　がんばれたんだ

強く生きる少年達よ
一人じゃない勇気を出して
突き進んだその先には
仲間と笑い輝く君がいる

これから歩く険しい路は　光に満ちたイバラの道だ
良くも悪くも最初で最後　どうせやるなら夢は叶えろ
見守ってくれる人のために　大好きな人や自分らのタメに
意識のレベル超HIGHにして　今日も歩く己の道

一つの大きな夢に向かい走り始めた
大切な仲間がいるから　がんばれたんだ

僕らが今歩く道を
高い壁で防がれても
止まらないさぶち壊して
夢に向かい進んでいく

強く生きる少年達よ
一人じゃない勇気を出して
突き進んだその先には
仲間と笑い輝く僕がいる

--------------------

TRANSLATION

As a child, I dreamt of the future
Even now it doesn't fade, but is vivid as I look forward
So that I'd grow, I'd hold the tears in as I watched the scenery I grew up with crush under time.

I began to run towards that one big dream
Because my good friends were with me, I did my best

Live well, young men
You're not alone, so muster your courage
Lunge forward, for right beyond this
You'll be laughing and shining with your friends

The steep path that you'll be walking will be lit, but full of thorns
Good or bad, from start to finish, you're gonna do it anyway, so make your dream come true
For those who watch over you, for the ones you love and for yourself
Get your senses to a super high level, and walk your own path today

I began to run towards that one big dream
Because my good friends were with me, I did my best
Even if there's a high wall in our way, we're not stopping
We'll break it down and go on towards our dream

Live well, young men
You're not alone, so muster your courage
Lunge forward, for right beyond this
You'll be laughing and shining with your friends


--------------------

Who says that Ruki can't write pretty songs? And if anyone DARES say that metal music IS BAD, the evidence is presented there, GOOD AND CLEAR that IT IS CERTAINLY NOT BAD. In fact, there are many lyrics that are ever better than ☆BEST FRIENDS☆, but I just felt that young people would sympathize with ☆BEST FRIENDS☆ more than any others. SO IN YER FACES, ANTI-METAL FREAKS!

Muahaha. Another reason I SHOULD be laughing is taht yesterday, 2nd of December 2006, IS THE DAY WHEN I GOT MY BRACES OFFICIALLY REMOVED! But I said 'should be laughing' beause I'm not. Dagnabit, I miss that sharp, annoying metal contraption which was fixed to my teeth in the most uncomfortable manner! D'oh....

It's crunch time for the process of moving house, ever since my parents got the key to the new flat. I DO NOT like the colour of the walls in my room. IT'S A DAMN PEACHY COLOUR!!! *dies* It doesn't look half bad in the light, but turn it down and IT TURNS PINK! OMG. *dies even more*

It's been beyond ridiculous with the Japanesque freaks in Singapore. I have DEVISED A THEORY WHICH IS SO GREAT NO ONE CAN MATCH IT! Bah. It's so obvious anyway. Here goes:

It started with VK and anime fanatics. Yup. Trends. Soon, VK fanatics were dressed in all sorts of fugly gothic fashion in order to erm...I don't know. Anyway, anime crazed people were soon talking in a rather shocking mixture of Japanese and English, throwing in random words such as 'baka' and oh Lord no, 'kawaii', so they would seem 'more Japanese', which I think is proposterous because if you're Japanese, you are, if not, TOO BAD. Therefore, I came up with this. People who follow trends often do not have minds of their own, thinking and dressing as how trendsetters make out things to be. This means that trend followers do not have their own minds and are solely dependent on trensetters for new ideas and inspiration. Whereas trendsetters do not always dress in their own designs, and tend to gravitate to a suprisingly more 'normal' style and only stick to their innovations when they require to do so. Therefore, by dressing up in h.NAOTO doesn't always make you cool, and throwing in bits of the Japanese language into your conversation isn't always the best thing to do.

Examples of trendsetters: ガゼット, that guy who created h.NAOTO, Miyavi, Mana.

They certainly do not dress up in their creations all the time, which needless to say is what half-assed VK fanatics do whenever they NEED TO BE SEEN AS A 'VK-ER', EG. KINOKUNIYA.

I feel the urge to post another set of lyrics here.

LYRICS SPAM!

Less pretty, but I still like it.

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泥だらけの青春 by ガゼット
Lyrics: Ruki
Music:ガゼット

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汚い権力や道徳を振りかざしてる人。
エリートのお前等が造り上げたレールを
踏み外し、唾を吐き我道を歩くのさ！
見下すな！そう僕らはならずの狂犬さぁ！
右向け右なんて出来ません。頭弱いもんで
指を差し、腹を抱え、影でにやつく人。
毒を吐き、潰されて、自由けずられて
「へれず口や反抗は許しませんよ！」と…

嫌みたらしく　あしらって「ありがとう」って蹴り上げてやるさ

負けず嫌いで口悪くて馬鹿ばかりした青春は
これからも変わる事なく
ずっと僕等は僕等のままで正しくなくてもいいんです
思春期ですから…

「ダメな大人にはなりません」

時に恋して　悪い事もした　ただ少し心が　病んでいたんだ
ただ人一倍　楽しみたいから　ただ人一倍　楽しみたいだけ

なれなれしく　あしらってくれて「ありがとう」ってお礼を言うよ

忠実主義で一人が怖くて何も出来ないでしょう
そんな大人になりたくない
ならず者とけむたがれてた　僕等は生まれたこの街で
ずっと唄い続けるから

負けず嫌いで口悪くて馬鹿ばかりした青春は
これからも変わる事なく
ずっと僕等は僕等のままで正しくなくてもいいんです
思春期ですから…

「ダメな大人には成りません」

--------------------

TRANSLATION

Filthy authorities, swinging morals on people
You elitists fall down on your imaginary rai
I spit at you and walk my own path!
Don't mess with us, we're the mad hooligan dogs!
I won't face right or anything, that's stupid
We're the ones raising fingers, brewing in shadows
We'll vomit back your poison, you can't erase our freedom
With "We won't accept your ways!"...

You kick off arrangements you don't like with a "thank you"

'Just bad-mouthed youths', they say, but we won't lose
'They'll never change'
We'll be like we are from now on, it's okay not to be right
'It's because of puberty...'

"I won't become a bad adult"

By the way, dear, I've done some bad things, my heart fell ill
I just wanna have more fun than other, more fun than others

You thank over-familiar arrangements with a "thank you"

Unable to do anything, scared, alone and faithful to rule
I don't wanna become an adult like that
Hooligans and anti-smokers, we were all born in this town
So I'll keep singing

'Just bad-mouthed youths', they say, but we won't lose
'They'll never change'
We'll be like we are from now on, it's okay not to be right
'It's because of puberty...'

"I won't become a bad adult"

--------------------

Very rebeliious lyrics indeed, but it's from a teenager's point of view. We usually think adults are mediocre, idiotic and that's why we try to be 'different', so we won't become a 'bad adult', which only more proves our insecurity and childishness.

RUKI IS TEH ROXZOR.

I have not even smelled my dinner yet, and I'm really too hungry, considering I ate about 6 hours ago.

Watching LOTR now, even though I cannot make head or tail of the story.... I only watched the first one and I've never touched to books. I'm planning to do so, when I'm not up to my eyebrows in either 1) homework, which I don't do anyway, 2) CCA practice which I hate.

I'm in a mess currently, with camp coming up, the long miserable CCA practices, HW which I don't think I'm be completing except for the English one, and the deadline of Fool's Mate January. AARGH!

Well, I'll be going now to eat something. Hopefully dinner's on the way.